were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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