I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
