HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
