You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
