It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
