You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
