even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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