dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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