wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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