when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
