The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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