I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
