youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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