The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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