if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Someone shattered a urinal.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
