shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
