i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize