You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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