I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
be right there i have to get my cape
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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