The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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