sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
