oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
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