Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Randomize
