I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
why do cheetos always look like penises
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
