More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
