OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
even my farts smell like vagina
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
