I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I have demons in me.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
