piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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