because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
