Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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