last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
