we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
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His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
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He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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