Kareoke will never be a sober sport
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
