Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
