does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
