Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
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