the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
