I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
