He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
