Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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