I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
