she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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