Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
