i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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