i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
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he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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