and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
