WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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