you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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