dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
