i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
