I feel like abortions should bother me more
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
