I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
