Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
