Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
