Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
