There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
