tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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