Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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