At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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