the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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