True but thats because hes a fetus.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
After tacos, we're chasing women.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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