i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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