We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize