No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Blood and glitter go together right?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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