Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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