All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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