The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize