Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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