she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
