piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
