No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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