Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
