I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Ketchup is God's man juice
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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