Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
so that wasnt chicken after all
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Pooping to opera.
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